Korean Dramas

So there is one plot line when I see Korean dramas or romantic films. I'd rather have the heroine being chased by 2 guys instead of the hero being chased by 2 girls. I challenge of chivalry from guys is better than a desperate cling from girls. It's just sad to see a girl get rejected by a guy. A guy getting rejected just doesn't get that much sympathy. I don't know why. Maybe it has to do with a girl's biological clock. Her time is running short on finding the right guy to procreate with. While a guy has no such restraint in time. It's dashing to see a man fight for the hand of a maiden. When two men duel, it's so sexy. When 2 women duel, it gets catty and petty. So I say nay to a love triangle between 2 women and 1 man, but yay to 2 men and 1 woman. May the best man win.

The Devil's Double

I was watching The Devil's Double on Netflix yesterday. I didn't get to finish it, but I did get to see some of the heinous, violent acts that Uday Hussein committed while his father, Saddam Hussein, was in power. I always wonder about the motives of a person when I see violent crimes committed, like their childhood experiences and the parental neglect. I always wonder what it takes to make a monster. In Uday's case, the unlimited power that he probably possessed while growing up led to his psychotic behaviors. Every one of his sinful whims were satisfied at an early age, leading him to kidnap underaged girls, rape them, and killing anyone and everyone who did not please him. What a sick person!

On Friday morning, a brilliant science student named James Holmes came into a darkened movie theater and blasted around 70 rounds of bullets. He killed 12 people and injured around 60 more. It was written in the newspaper that he had no motive for the massacre. I wonder what was in his mind. Why would he go on a shooting rampage likes this? Were there any telltale signs of a mass murderer while he was growing up? What kind of demons was he wrestling with? He said that he was the Joker, did media shape him into this monster then? Quite possibly. If power is not kept in check, it will only escalate in the wrong possible way. Anyone with unchecked power can and will seek violence and other vile acts. It's fitting for parents, teachers, and society to put restraints on people so that they don't fall victims to psychosis.

Morales is something that I question to. Is it originally built in us or do we have to learn it. The more that I think about it, I think it's built in us by teacher of our lives. We are born pure, seeing things black and white. As we grow, grays come into the picture and we learn to slowly differentiate the degrees of gray and what is acceptable and what is not. Some people just never learns this. Either they have no good teacher to show them the way or they neglect every possible warning and advice. Uday Hussein and James Holmes snowballed into becoming monsters. They probably started out small monsters, bruising their conscious and neglecting their teachers. Sin wasn't kept in check. They got drunk on their own sense of power and brilliance. They then devalued life and became murderers.

More Wedding Planning

Today was spent on pinning cute wedding ideas on pinterest. I've decided that our honeymoon destination will determine when our wedding will be. The right time to go to these locations will determine the wedding month, which will determine what flowers are in bloom during that season, which will then lead to color palette for the wedding, and then the color for cake, invitations, bridesmaids dresses, etc. If my man finally proposes within the next year, we can plan for a summer wedding in 2014. That means we will be going to Brazil for the FIFA World Cup in 2014 and our honeymoon. If he decides that he needs more time to save and plan then I have him choose from 3 destinations: Maui, Florence, and Santorini. Maui for it's beaches, Florence for the culture, art, touristy thing, and Santorini for the chill atmosphere.

I was talking to my friend while I was pinning away and she basically told me to wait for the proposal so that I don't have to replan later. I would totally agree with her if I was in the right state of mind (I'm not the type of girl to plan in advance for a wedding like some other girls I know), BUT I landed on Martha Stewart Wedding Planning Board and it had so many pretty things pinned on it. I was hooked like an addict.

It doesn't seem like a distant dream. It seems like it's within my grasp in a couple of years. And what's amazing is that I'm not freaking out. I think I freaked out about really getting married when some talks came from him last year. I just couldn't imagine being tied down like that. All the added responsibility. Plus my cousin got married and it seemed like married life was just that, real life. Not glamorous and all, but filled with dinner preparing, dish washing, and laundry. Then the baby comes and basically a couple has no life. So even though I was thrilled with vague talks about marriage, I wasn't to gungho about it. It's changed a bit now. I've almost entered a new phase in my life (not sharing too much details cuz it's currently in the works). I might be moving and it would be nice to get a place in the vicinity of where we would like to start a home. Schaumburg area perhaps? Anyways it's exciting. I want to take him along for the ride. Maybe it's too early. He recently started a new phase earlier this year. With that added, maybe it's better to settle down when we are more settled in our lives.

Well maybe instead of planning every detail, I should go with the flow. My man is pretty respectable and keeps his word, so I'm sure he'll propose in the next year or 2, before we reach 30. What's left for me is to have fun planning. Not to get too stressed out. Let it be.

My Run

I ran from Golf Mill area to Old Orchard Mall. I got lost in a neighborhood in Glenview and ended up overshooting my destination. Therefore, I ran and walked a total of 6 miles today. That is the furthest that I've ever gone on foot I think. I began to appreciate cars.

I said I got lost in a neighborhood in Glenview. Well it wasn't any neighborhood, it looked like a separate village. Mansions aligned next to roads without a sidewalk, nestled in between trees and conifers. It seemed like I was walking through a large national park with houses sprinkled through it. It was wonderful. I prayed that I could live in one of these houses. I also saw many wildlife like dragonflies, squirrels, and robins. It was beautiful.

I made my destination Old Orchard Mall because my boyfriend worked today at his office for Blue Cube (plug for a great advertisement company). After I finally got there after one and a half hours. My knees were sore, I was sweaty, and my skin was peeling. During the last stretch the song by Arethra Franklin "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" was in my mind cuz I walked so dang long to my man...hahaha. I told him to buy my dinner cuz I was exhausted and needed replenishment. We ate at Pot Belly's. It was a cute mini-date.

The weather was amazing for such a run like this. Not like those other over 100 degrees days we've been having in Illinois. I was pumped up with adrenaline from the run and the sun's ray. I couldn't keep singing and moving around. At Pot Belly's I pointed somewhere quick and accidentally punched a woman in the face. I apologized refusely. Jung said he found it the funniest thing of today. I felt really bad, but the woman also ran into my arm as I was extending it, so it was both our faults.

Wedding Dresses

I haven't blogged for a long time. Today I'm going to talk out what I want for my future wedding. All girls plan this at a young age, but I'm just beginning to put in ink what I want.

I want to look elegant, gorgeous, but modest. So I have decided to go with the Illusion Neckline for a Wedding Dress. I prefer not to wear bulky fabrics like satin. I also prefer the mermaid cut.


this is a convertible satin faced organza gown with an illusion piece by Vera Wang. Yes it is beautiful, but I still don't like the fact that it's made out of satin, so I will try to find more illusion neckline dresses.


I like this one too. Very beautiful, except I don't like the lace pattern on the bottom of the dress. It's too complicated. Maybe it will look different in person though. This is Claire Pettibone's Sky Between the Branches look.


I think I'm in love with this one. This one is from Marchesa 2013 collection. I love the sleeves. The neckline is simple and not too low cut. The cut of the gown makes one look slim and tall. But I think I can find better.


Love the fabric and lace cutout design. The sleeves are gorgeous too. Wish it had a sheer illusion neckline, but it does have an illusion cap sleeve. Wish it had more cover too. By Monique Lhuillier called Radiance.


Like this for the coverage, but wish the flower designs were more delicate. Looks great from far away. Up close is not so great. Manuel Mota Galveston.

Of course dresses need to be worn. So to be continued in the dress hunt.

Sometimes I need to put things in perspective and not get so down. My problems are minuscule compared to the majority out there. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and loving relatives by me. There are people who are faced with problems such as homelessness, starvation, or complete solitude.

Even with all these problems, there is a God out there that cares for them and will help them go through their problems. I need to realize that God has my back too. Even though this job search has been extended and new graduates are coming into the market, which means more competition, I need to feel extremely blessed that I have a degree, which not everybody is blessed with. I have a chance to go back to school for a masters in health informatics. Maybe this is the road for me. Maybe God will open up more doors in the future. I need to stop thinking that things are so bleak. Satan is speaking lies to me saying that I am not good enough, but I need to overcome and be filled with the truth that God speaks of in the Bible.

Sometimes surviving is a miracle in itself. The bare minimum is a blessed life. The fact that life goes on is amazing. Plans are thwarted, things seem to turn awry, but hope is never lost as long as there is breath in your lungs.

Chicago Botanic Garden Pictures

 Eastern Redwood Tree

 Daffodils

 Cardinal Sideview

 Cardinal Frontview

 Lake

 Weeping Willow Tree by lake

 Weeping Willow Tree by glistening lake

 Japanese Garden Waterfall

 Tulips

 Tulip Garden

 Eastern Redwood Tree

 Double Cherry Blossom Tree

 Cran Apple Tree by lake

 Cran Apple Tree Tunnel

 Closeup of Cran Apple Tree Flower

 Weeping Willow Tree by Bridge Walkway

 Lake 1

 Lake 2

Lake 3

Dreams

I close my eyes so that I can meet
The visitor of my dream

I pray that you would show up again

So I wait for you in my mind's den

Longing for a chance encounter

In my mind's recess I slumber
Just a little bit longer
As my heart grows fonder

But it is only for a moment
And reality crashes like a current
Just like fog the dream is lifted
And all my happiness is shifted
My sweet solace is broken.
It is you who has forsaken
Our secret rendezvous
Which was long overdue

Though it's you I cannot blame
Not for a second I can complain
I saw you, I had a chance
To revel in this great romance
And I wait for another rift
In the gloom of the day's shift
My heart is longing with great height
To see you just once every night

Lessons From Life

No matter how many times I whine and complain

This I must confess

The fact that the sun always rises on me

Means that I am blessed

The heart is a precious thing
It pines and it sorrows
But it is in it's healthy state
When it hopes in tomorrows

Young love blossoms when it is not ready
It does not have enough patience to wait
True love is divine for the picking
When it is ripened with fate

Character is a lot like trees
It needs to be anchored in firm roots
Winding and weaving like a lattice
Until it's strong enough to bear good fruits

A quiet, gentle spirit is what I pray for night and day
But it's such a hard thing to obtain
Christ in me is what helps me along
And all I see is gain

Hide the Word in your heart
And it will be guarded
For the heart is the wellspring of life
So daily meditations, get started

Job Hunt

So the endless job hunt is still going on. I've graduated with an advanced degree in the healthcare field and I feel like I'm trapped. Ten years ago, pharmacy was viewed as a lucrative field. It's been projected that the need for pharmacists is ever increasing, but why am I stuck here jobless? I've noticed that it's far more easy to find a job if you have the right connections. Where do people make these connections and how do they make them. I feel like a wounded bird. I can't seem to fly and am stuck on the ground. What makes matters worse is that I'm punishing myself by barring meeting people and having fun until I land something. I don't know if this is the right decision. Only time will tell. I got to keep telling myself that it's not my fault the economy is the way it is. It's not my fault. Think positive. Something will come my way. One day. It's only a waiting game. And until then I need to preserve my energy. I will be able to fly and to soar high like an eagle. One day. One fine day. Now I'm sounding like a broken record. Must keep sane. Must be strong. Must not lose hope. Still fighting.

Spring...or is it??

In Chicago we've had a burst of good weather, but I was all too soon disappointed when the cold weather started creeping in on us again. It's ok though. At least we don't have to worry about global warming. I had a chance to check out our world reknown Botanic Gardens during this past glorious Sunday. It was beautiful. As I saw the plants peeking through the soil with much life in them, I was astonished to see their strength. To see the little buds awakening from a deep slumber of winter gave me great motivation.

All winter I have been like these buds and leaves, hiding away in the depth of the soil, recuperating my strength. At the very first sign of warmth, I'm about to bud. I hope that the strong chilly winds don't knock me down. I know I must gather more strength. I must soak in more energy from the sun. I need to prepare to grow more. I need to know what my current state is, who I am on a deeper level, and continue to press on. I peak my head through the soil. Oh is it hard to push through the soil that is heavy on top of me. I begin to see a ray of light as I was covered in darkness. Darkness that knew no satisfaction. Darkness that was like a suffocating abyss, with no sign of life nor gratitude for it. I push though and monumentally start budding. A huge sigh of relief comes because I have survived another winter. I'm elated because I did it. I was on the verge of death, but death eluded me. There is life in me. A new life worth celebrating.

First Post ^^

The End of the Yarn is my take on how to find happiness and peace in a sometimes hectic life full of ups and downs.  Viewer discretion advised. :)

I've read somewhere that if you find yourself at the end of a rope, you should tie a knot and hang on. This is my attempt to tie that knot on the end of my yarn in the form of a blog that expresses me, while possibly shining light for other souls seeking meaning and fulfillment in their lives. Hope my ramblings impact me and others in a positive way because we all know that this world could use more positivity (if that's even a word).

After many months of being stuck in a pit, wallowing in self-pity and worrying about unemployment in this sucky economy, I've finally come into the light. I've been doing more proactive things and finding that self-will to do things that I used to do when I was a much happier self.

I'm gonna start my first blog with tips to free yourself from depression. On to a happier, healthier you!!!

Tip #1 Start running regularly. 

Not only do you make endorphins and get to enjoy the outside weather, but you can also be inspired to do other things. I went for a 40 minute jog in my neighborhood park. Something I haven't done in a year. I used to jog regularly and get enlightened from my treks out to the park and beach. I'd be inspired to write poems (something I will do again and post) and write proverbs that would really improve my walk in life.

Tip #2 Start a blog. 

I'm finding my own voice again in writing my thoughts out in a blog. This is so important because you only have one voice. You should freely express yourself because nobody is going to do it for you. Don't be afraid of letting your voice be heard. My wise cousin would say this quote. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. Don't worry about the haters. They'll hate others till their death for all I care.

Tip #3 Seek peace.
A verse from the Bible in Psalms 34:14 says Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. So in an effort to obtain peace, I have been crocheting and knitting. This is such a delightful past time and I don't know why I didn't start learning how to long time ago. Even though it takes a long time and callouses form as I'm wielding the needles to make these garments, it's so worthwhile because it clears my mind of worries and woe. I'm making things for myself that I can wear which gives me autonomy and a creative mind. I can also use this skill to make things for others as gift. I will post up pix of my creations later in this blog.

Tip #4 Cook yourself gourmet meals

I can proudly say that I have become a cooking aficionado. I used to dread cooking and my only specialty was making instant ramen. But now I've been googling good recipes left and right. I found awesome recipes for tiramisu, cheesecake, lasagna, lentil soup on allrecipe.com and foodnetwork.com. Not only is it super fun, but you get to feed your loved ones with nutritious meals. Here are some recipes to start you off. 

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/chantals-new-york-cheesecake/ 

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/worlds-best-lasagna/ 

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/lentil-soup-recipe/index.html 

Tip #5 Read more. 

My aunt always says that you can find a road in a book. And although sometimes it's really hard to read when you're down, you can really pick up some good life lessons, another view at looking at things, or even a few laughs in books. If you have a really hard time concentrating. Read some comics or mangas. I recommend Charlie Brown comics or a manga called Vagabond.

Tip #6 Listen to good, positive music.

This is so important. I think everyone has heart songs. When the heart is singing, it is healthy. When it is not, the heart is in a negative, unhealthy place. You can even sing along. And it's ok if you're not in perfect pitch. Nobody is expecting you to be that lady or the kids from Sound of Music. Some artists that I like are Jason Mraz, Bach, Third Day, PhilipsCraig&Dean, and Shane & Shane.

Tip #7 Smile

I know sometimes it's hard to just smile. You feel like life dealt you lemons and you can't make lemonade. You're just drowning in the sourness. It's ok. Look in the mirror and force a smile. You'll feel sooo silly that even a laugh will come out. This is natural and actually good for you. If it's hard to smile, just think of a joke and share it. The fact that you thought of a joke means that you have humor. Benjamin Franklin said "Trouble came knocking at the door, hearing laughter it quickly scurried away." So share a joke with me, I will laugh with you.

Well I hope this post brought a smile to your face as it did to me while I was writing. As someone who has been through a lot of ups and downs, facing uncertainty and loss, these are proven tips that worked for me. Don't let life turn you bitter, let it make you better. ^^